Category Archives: Relationships/Love

Know Your Worth

One of the most powerful things you can do as an individual is to discover your value. It is something you must find for yourself. No one can really tell you your worth. I mean they could but why give any one person that power. With that you also give them the ability to take it away leaving you crushed and devastated. Don’t spend your time trying to convince a man of how amazing you are. You’ll never be good enough to a man that doesn’t deserve you. No, see once you discover it for yourself no one can ever take it away. When that moment comes, you will become a feared individual. No longer will your actions surround the words or opinions of others. You will become ok with leaving the moment someone else can’t see you the way you see you. You have something no one else will ever have…You. No one can ever be you, no matter how hard they try, it’s simply impossible. So, don’t get caught up in trying to be like everyone it’s a waste of time. The beauty lies in our differences, from our curves to our skin tone and all the way down to our heart. As women, we have so much power… embrace it. Surround yourself with people that lift you up, encourage you, and appreciate your presence. Fix those crowns ladies and show them what real QUEENS looks like

Keep Your Relationship Private

Ladies here are some words of advice…don’t gossip about your man to friends or family (this goes for my men too). For one, no good can come out of the conversation other than the fact you had a chance to vent. The problem is that you are venting to the wrong person. Did you talk to him first to try and solve the issue? Now it’s different if you’re actually seeking guidance on how to approach a particular subject or if you want an opinion if you’re overreacting. But to simply bash this individual would be inappropriate. Don’t bring outsiders into your relationship. It’s hard enough with just two people, why add more confusion. Especially if you actually see yourself being with this man long-term. All you are doing is creating strife between all of your relationships. I don’t know about you but I would like to have the chance to clear my name before someone starts throwing dirt on it. Give them a chance to express how they feel and give them time to admit error where needed and apologize. Don’t be so quick to condemn somebody, we all make mistakes and we all have a role in it. Sometimes it may be 95% his fault, but be mature enough to own up and apologize for your 5% (I know it’s hard…that petty life be calling my name too 😩😂).  So next time you pick up that phone to engage in some male-bashing over your own man, don’t. And if he is as bad as you say, then leave. It’s as simple as that. If you don’t feel the relationship is headed in a direction you’d like and you two can’t seem to come to agreements with this, then it’s time to part ways. The decision should be based off of the two in the relationship, and not the friends with the overly expressed opinion. Stop making your business public, some things are best kept behind closed doors.

Talk to Him

Believe it or not ladies they can’t read our minds. And as much as we think he should just know…chances are he really doesn’t. The reality is that we are wired completely different. As women, we are more emotional and we tend to over-analyze everything. The simplest thing can turn into a “Well what is that supposed to mean?” I hate to break it to you ladies but no man wants a woman always looking for fault in everything he does. Not only is it frustrating, but it is literally draining. I mean think about it. Imagine he’s had a long day at work and then comes home to unload only to find that you’re amped up ready to pounce on him (and not in a good way lol). He needs you to be an escape not an obstacle. I’m not saying suppress what you’re feeling to avoid conflict, on the contrary actually, but it’s the way you present it. If you’re going into a situation with an attitude and hot-headed then his defenses will go up. Nothing can get accomplished when one person is completely closed off to hearing another’s perspective. But it happens so often that sometimes we don’t even realize how damaging it is to our relationships. The thing is you will have fights, and if you don’t you should be concerned. It is through stressful times that one’s true character is revealed. And with that you learn “how to fight” with your significant other. With time you learn what ticks them off, and as hard as it seems in that moment, please avoid this at all cost. You can never get those words back after it’s been said…remember that.

 

Dating outside your beliefs

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers”- 2nd Corinthians 6:14.

👀 About that…Yes I have dated outside my beliefs. And for all my Pharisees that are so quick to judge please review John 8:7 and Matthew 7:5. Thanks. “We now return you back to your regularly scheduled program”. It was during one of my “lonely” phases. You know, that phase I mentioned to not linger in because it can lead to desperation. Well yeah, I said that because I’ve been there. Nothing meaningful can ever come from Tinder, I should’ve known lol (don’t believe the inflated 2% success rates😂). I won’t go into the full details of this relationship but the point is we didn’t have the same beliefs. I am a Christian and it is something that is very important to me. That being said it was hard dating this guy because he wanted no part in this aspect of my life. So I prayed for him, invited him to church, etc.; but I’ve never been in a “relationship” with anyone (I mean any relationship: friendship, romantic, etc.) and felt more alone. That part of me was suppressed around him, not because I was ashamed but because it got to a point of understanding where I wouldn’t push my beliefs on him as long as he didn’t push his off on me. And that’s when I knew it would never work out. I can’t be with anyone who alters the things that are a part of me or simply wants nothing to do with it. Basically instead of listening I had to learn the hard way, through experience. Your relationship should further your walk with God not hinder it. So be careful, because desperation has the power to bring you to a point where you won’t even recognize who you are anymore. Stand firm on God’s word and true to yourself it’ll save you from a lot of unnecessary heartache.

The Single Life-Embrace it

Here we go (eyes rolling). I’ve been single for about 7-8 years so let me tell you, I think I’ve mastered. If you want to know all the hotspots, travel destinations etc., I am your girl. I’ve been single most of my life and the only “real” (I use this term very loosely) relationship I had ended after 3 years of “off again” and “on again”. Nonetheless I’ve been on this journey discovering me. How can you have a meaningful relationship if you don’t even know who you really are? I was fresh out of high school and thought I was in love (lol I was so naïve). That was one of the things I struggled with especially being so young. I had an idea of who I wanted to be, but that was a long way away from the person I actually was. There isn’t any manual written on how to be the perfect person so don’t waste your time. We are all beautifully imperfect and flawed in some way. However, we don’t have to dwell on this but can use it as motivation to be the best version of ourselves. What better time than the present time, while you’re single. You can take as much time or as little time as you want on discovering things that are important to you. Your likes, dislikes, things that really irritate you and things you know you may need to work on. Yes, absolutely there will be times when you get lonely and then find yourself downloading the tinder app. (been there done that), but don’t stay in this moment. Loneliness can lead to desperation. Desperation can cloud our judgment and make you alter things that are genuinely important to you just for the sake of entertaining a man/woman. He/she may even be a good guy/girl but if you have to change who you really are or the things that are important to you, it won’t be worth it. In the end you’ll end up falling in love with a person who can’t truly make you happy because you can’t connect on a level you should be able to. So save yourself the heartache and wasted years. Learn to be comfortable with yourself, that way when that man/woman does come along you won’t be acting out of desperation but on a true connection. So what to do with all this free time? Any and everything, that’s the beauty of it. Travel, read, work on your relationship with God, pick up a hobby, and continue to prepare yourself for when the right person does come along. Ladies if you can’t cook this would be a great time to take some cooking lessons (I’m sure that future husband would appreciate it). Men, us women love a man who can teach us a thing or two. So take this time to read up on something you like. And please I beg you please don’t put a time limit on your love life. It’ll be a distraction because you’ll be so focused on trying to fulfill that deadline. He/she will come in your own perfect timing. So don’t compare yourself to that friend who just got married, everyone has a different love story and yours will be epic!