To My Future Husband

I dream about you often. And although I do not know who you are, I pray for your health and safety every night. Lord cover him from any harm or danger that the devil may plant in his direction. But more so I pray for your relationship with God. I pray that as your spiritual relationship grows that you are able to be led by him. A spiritual leader to lead our family and speak life into our children. I will stand by you as your wife with pride and be your strength when you are weak. For the greatest gift is love, and I promise to love you through our “highs” and more so through our “lows”. I pray that if you fall seven times that you will stand up for eight…a resilient man. Do not let this world deter you from your purpose in life. And when you do gather more fruit then you can carry, I pray that you give to those with bare hands…a giving man. Be a blessing to those around you. I pray that you have a voice to speak out for those that have no voice…a courageous man.  One who uses his words to heal not hurt. I pray that you learn to forgive those who have intentionally hurt you…a forgiving man. Do not allow them to steal your joy. When the time comes for us to become one, let us always lift each other up in prayer and continue to grow together and not apart. Please forgive me in advance for any intentional and unintentional pain that I may cause. I ask that you teach me to be the wife that you need. Be patient with me. Until we meet…I will forever keep you in my prayers.

Commitment Issues

This was one of the things I use to struggle with. Not just with relationships but with everything in life, from jobs to living accommodations right down to the clothes I wear (and no its not because I’m a female, well maybe ). None the less it was something I never thought was a problem until my mom pointed out to me that I was “always running”. What exactly was I running from? I had no clue, it just became easy for me to leave even when things were going well. I struggled with becoming complacent. I wanted to have the best in life and accomplish so much that once I felt like I mastered something I moved on. Or so I thought, really it was just fear. So it took me some soul searching to truly find out where this started. Digging, digging, digging, ah yes! I found it the root of it all, dating all the way back to my childhood (this is what most therapist would say, but in my case it was actually true). So growing up we moved quite a bit, and by a bit I mean every year to every other year up until I went away to college. We were evicted from almost every place we lived and I never really had a place to call home. You know like what you see in the movies where everyone knows everyone…and the kids all go to the same grammar school and high school together. After a while I just never bothered to make friends because I knew we wouldn’t be there long. So here I was always on the move and always on the run. And so as an adult, the way I handled things was that I left when everything started to become comfortable before I was made to leave. My way of protecting myself from getting hurt. But see here is the thing about that, while I was so concerned about avoiding heartache I was also avoiding true happiness. I missed out on meaningful relationships and experiences because of this fear. Eventually I want to get married and have children, but there were things that I needed to work on as an individual before I could even begin to work on being emotionally involved with someone else. It took a lot of prayer and guidance to get me to the point I am today. So I say to you today, just live. While it sounds so simple it is probably one of the most difficult things to really do. Don’t think too much into how the story will end when you haven’t even gotten past the first chapter. I’m sure the most amazing part of your story will be somewhere in the middle. The surprises you never anticipated but will still be able to bring a smile to your face years later. Don’t be scared to try something new, and if it works, don’t question it. Embrace it. You can’t always run hunny, eventually you’ll tire out.

Dating outside your beliefs

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers”- 2nd Corinthians 6:14.

👀 About that…Yes I have dated outside my beliefs. And for all my Pharisees that are so quick to judge please review John 8:7 and Matthew 7:5. Thanks. “We now return you back to your regularly scheduled program”. It was during one of my “lonely” phases. You know, that phase I mentioned to not linger in because it can lead to desperation. Well yeah, I said that because I’ve been there. Nothing meaningful can ever come from Tinder, I should’ve known lol (don’t believe the inflated 2% success rates😂). I won’t go into the full details of this relationship but the point is we didn’t have the same beliefs. I am a Christian and it is something that is very important to me. That being said it was hard dating this guy because he wanted no part in this aspect of my life. So I prayed for him, invited him to church, etc.; but I’ve never been in a “relationship” with anyone (I mean any relationship: friendship, romantic, etc.) and felt more alone. That part of me was suppressed around him, not because I was ashamed but because it got to a point of understanding where I wouldn’t push my beliefs on him as long as he didn’t push his off on me. And that’s when I knew it would never work out. I can’t be with anyone who alters the things that are a part of me or simply wants nothing to do with it. Basically instead of listening I had to learn the hard way, through experience. Your relationship should further your walk with God not hinder it. So be careful, because desperation has the power to bring you to a point where you won’t even recognize who you are anymore. Stand firm on God’s word and true to yourself it’ll save you from a lot of unnecessary heartache.

The Single Life-Embrace it

Here we go (eyes rolling). I’ve been single for about 7-8 years so let me tell you, I think I’ve mastered. If you want to know all the hotspots, travel destinations etc., I am your girl. I’ve been single most of my life and the only “real” (I use this term very loosely) relationship I had ended after 3 years of “off again” and “on again”. Nonetheless I’ve been on this journey discovering me. How can you have a meaningful relationship if you don’t even know who you really are? I was fresh out of high school and thought I was in love (lol I was so naïve). That was one of the things I struggled with especially being so young. I had an idea of who I wanted to be, but that was a long way away from the person I actually was. There isn’t any manual written on how to be the perfect person so don’t waste your time. We are all beautifully imperfect and flawed in some way. However, we don’t have to dwell on this but can use it as motivation to be the best version of ourselves. What better time than the present time, while you’re single. You can take as much time or as little time as you want on discovering things that are important to you. Your likes, dislikes, things that really irritate you and things you know you may need to work on. Yes, absolutely there will be times when you get lonely and then find yourself downloading the tinder app. (been there done that), but don’t stay in this moment. Loneliness can lead to desperation. Desperation can cloud our judgment and make you alter things that are genuinely important to you just for the sake of entertaining a man/woman. He/she may even be a good guy/girl but if you have to change who you really are or the things that are important to you, it won’t be worth it. In the end you’ll end up falling in love with a person who can’t truly make you happy because you can’t connect on a level you should be able to. So save yourself the heartache and wasted years. Learn to be comfortable with yourself, that way when that man/woman does come along you won’t be acting out of desperation but on a true connection. So what to do with all this free time? Any and everything, that’s the beauty of it. Travel, read, work on your relationship with God, pick up a hobby, and continue to prepare yourself for when the right person does come along. Ladies if you can’t cook this would be a great time to take some cooking lessons (I’m sure that future husband would appreciate it). Men, us women love a man who can teach us a thing or two. So take this time to read up on something you like. And please I beg you please don’t put a time limit on your love life. It’ll be a distraction because you’ll be so focused on trying to fulfill that deadline. He/she will come in your own perfect timing. So don’t compare yourself to that friend who just got married, everyone has a different love story and yours will be epic!

Intro- Hello World

Where do I start? I find myself asking this question more than I care to really know the answer to. In relation to Life there are so many options. We have this thing called free will and while it’s a beautiful thing I sometimes feel that it’s a curse. God created these beautiful creatures of all different colors and textures and then he gave us free will. But when you actually take it in “FREE WILL”, it’s terrifying. This means that everything that presents to you in life, you have a choice on which path to take, and there will be many crossroads to come. This means when something goes terribly wrong in your life it’s probably because of a choice we made. So now we actually have to own up to being flawed. Well that has never been fun. Yes, it is scary but somehow even with the terrible choices we make, something beautiful forms with every mistake, every heartache, every wrong turn. What is it you ask? Lessons, and it is these lessons that shape and mold us into the people we are today and who we will become tomorrow. It shapes our characters, the people we will be to our family, friends, co-workers, and our spouses. No the process of becoming these amazingly wise people isn’t always fun but it is necessary. So this is my story, all my wrong turns, heartaches, and failures. I grew up on the Southside of Chicago in low-socioeconomical neighborhoods. We were evicted almost every year but my parents went above and beyond to take care of 4 children with less than 40,000/year. Amazing huh? And I have to say they did an amazing job. My siblings and I were among the first generation in our family to graduate with university degrees. I graduated with University Honors in 2 Bachelor degrees in Nursing and Family and Child Studies, and 2 minors in Chemistry and Biology. And here I am, a registered nurse currently working at one of the top hospitals in the nation and on my way to medical school. Well let me be the first to tell you it wasn’t all rainbows and blue skies. But I wouldn’t be here today without God, family and a few of my closest friends to keep me on the straight and narrow.