Commitment Issues

This was one of the things I use to struggle with. Not just with relationships but with everything in life, from jobs to living accommodations right down to the clothes I wear (and no its not because I’m a female, well maybe ). None the less it was something I never thought was a problem until my mom pointed out to me that I was “always running”. What exactly was I running from? I had no clue, it just became easy for me to leave even when things were going well. I struggled with becoming complacent. I wanted to have the best in life and accomplish so much that once I felt like I mastered something I moved on. Or so I thought, really it was just fear. So it took me some soul searching to truly find out where this started. Digging, digging, digging, ah yes! I found it the root of it all, dating all the way back to my childhood (this is what most therapist would say, but in my case it was actually true). So growing up we moved quite a bit, and by a bit I mean every year to every other year up until I went away to college. We were evicted from almost every place we lived and I never really had a place to call home. You know like what you see in the movies where everyone knows everyone…and the kids all go to the same grammar school and high school together. After a while I just never bothered to make friends because I knew we wouldn’t be there long. So here I was always on the move and always on the run. And so as an adult, the way I handled things was that I left when everything started to become comfortable before I was made to leave. My way of protecting myself from getting hurt. But see here is the thing about that, while I was so concerned about avoiding heartache I was also avoiding true happiness. I missed out on meaningful relationships and experiences because of this fear. Eventually I want to get married and have children, but there were things that I needed to work on as an individual before I could even begin to work on being emotionally involved with someone else. It took a lot of prayer and guidance to get me to the point I am today. So I say to you today, just live. While it sounds so simple it is probably one of the most difficult things to really do. Don’t think too much into how the story will end when you haven’t even gotten past the first chapter. I’m sure the most amazing part of your story will be somewhere in the middle. The surprises you never anticipated but will still be able to bring a smile to your face years later. Don’t be scared to try something new, and if it works, don’t question it. Embrace it. You can’t always run hunny, eventually you’ll tire out.

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